Falling
by Trixy2
Summary: Only a name, that's all I have left to give.
1. Chapter 1

I wake up with the taste of blood on my lips, the smell in the air was rich of rotting earth, before I knew it the cold was setting in and my body began to feel itself. As I lifted my head to check my surroundings a shooting pain ripped through my neck and skull. I let out a soft wince, moving my lips caused the dried cuts to open and the blood began to fall down my chin. There was little to no light in the room, or where ever this place was; I turned to my side, slowly and spit the blood that was slowly filling my mouth. Bringing a hand to my chest I feel the bones moving, definitely broken.

Jesus, where the fuck am I?

I say out loud, hoping for an answer. Taking in a deep breath, I once again wince in pain, as I roll myself on to my stomach, unaware of my injuries.

Come on, breathe.

I say, willing my body to do so. Every piece of my body that I can feel only pulses with pain, as I move parts come back alive and pain shoots to the limp or that rib or that finger, or that ear drum.

Why can't I remember any thing? Why does it feel like I've been run over by a mac truck? Why don't I have finger nails on my left hand? Why is my wrist broken?

The questions are running through my head faster then the answer comes. I am in a cold wet place, my body is broken and failing, I don't know how I got here, and all I want is a drink of water.

I hear a voice. I don't know where it is coming from. But it is definitely a voice. A man or woman I cannot tell but it sounds like Charlie Brown, in my pain, I laugh. The thought makes me laugh. In this situation I shouldn't be laughing. The laughter only brings more pain, and I laugh at it, Fuck you pain.

The voices get louder and louder, I am excited, but I am scared. Will the voices help me? Or hurt my worse. I can't take any more pain. I laugh again, this time the pain ignites something else. Vomiting.

The vomit burns my cut lips as it passes. My ribs can't take it, my heart begins to beat fast, it sends signals to my arms and brain that it can't handle this. My chest hurts for heaving, my arm hurts from my hearts panic, and my brain slows. My vision blurs, as a door opens I hear the voice.

Danny? Jesus fucking Christ.

I know the voice. I can't place it. I can't remember anything. I do know one thing.

I am Danny Messer.


	2. Chapter 2

Danny, can you hear me?

I hear the voices, I know they are talking to me. They are getting closer, I can feel my heart beating faster and faster against my chest, I'm afraid.

Danny, come on man, talk to me!

The voice says, it's standing above me, I can see the outline of his body. I feel myself start to shake as he bends down and touches me. I pull away, I moan.

It's alright. Danny, it's me, Flack. Calm down.

My breathing is hitched, I moan again unwilling to let my mouth open. My mouth burns from cuts, blood, dry and wet soak my face. My mouth feels as if there is a gag. I struggle, the movement reminds me of the pain that shoots across my body. I moan again.

Shh, shh, it's me. I'm here to help you.

I hear him turn away and reach for something, I flinch afraid of what's to come. He speaks.

This is Detective Flack, I need a ambulance to 1058 Amsterdam Ave at 108th, on a rush I got a cop down.

His voice is panicked. Something inside clicks, I remember.

Don?

I spit it out before realizing talking has ripped my damaged lips. I gasp. Pain pain pain.

I'm here buddy, help is on the way. I'm not going anywhere.

I can't... no.

I say in a barely audible tone. For the first time, I get hit by a wave of emotion other then fear, happiness. I'm not alone anymore. I reach to him, I feel his take my hand and squeeze it lightly.

Helps on the way.

My eyes. So heavy. Pain. Exhaustion. Tears. My breathing is hitched. With what strength I have, I lift my head to look down at my body.

All I see is blood. Chains. Metal. Jagged metal. I move, I weep, I breath, it stings, I lift my limps, I cry.

I'm going to die. I don't know if I care.

* * *

**edited for error.**


	3. Chapter 3

When I awake again there are fluorescent lights above me, I hear a dull beep in the back ground, I can hear someone talking. I move my lips, I taste salt. The taste in my mouth makes me want to be sick, I don't want to move, even if I did I don't think I could. I move a little at a time, I can feel someone touching my hand.

Danny?

Someone says in a dull very audible sound. I can't relax, it's as if someone had put a couch on my chest. I wasn't going anywhere.

Mac, he's awake.

I'll get his doctor.

Foot steps. Someone is leaving, someone else is leaning over me, blocking out the light. I can't talk, so I groan.

It's alright babe, help is coming.

I feel my hand get squeezed, it feels good. Groan.

It's me Danny, Lindsay. I need you to say something, squeeze my hand?

This woman sounds as if she is pleading. Who is she? What does she want?

Who...

One word... this is progress.

Are... deep breathe... you?

I hear her gasp and step back. Three words took most of my energy, I close my eyes to recover so I can't see her face.

Danny, it's me, Lindsay? Your... I'm your wife.

I can hear her voice break. I don't want her to cry, she must mean something to me but I can't remember her. Breathe deep. Exhale. Breathe deep. Exhale. It's becoming more of a labour to breathe, to catch up.

The soft beep is becoming a fast, loud beep. My eyes are heavy. Something doesn't feel right. There are spots of white in my vision, now black dots dance around the lights.

Danny? Danny, what's happening?

Her voice is panicked, I hear her reach over me.

I need some help in here! Right now!

Who is she? What does she want? She must be one of them. I reach out and grab her wrist, I squeeze. I feel other hands touch my body.

Danny, I need my hand. I'm going to get you some help. Just breathe. Danny let go of my hand!

She struggles against me, I have some strength left, she can't hurt me anymore.

Stay away from me you fucking bitch!

I spit out, anger. I feel her stop struggling. I am done, the black spots get bigger.I left go of her wrist my hand drops back down to the bed, and I am gone. Again.


	4. Chapter 4

I have been awake for over a week. My body still hurts and the Doctors broke the news that I am paralyzed from the waist down, though they say it is only temporary. I don't believe them. I feel weaker by the day and a nurse comes in twice a day change me. I feel like a child. I still want to die. I have no memory of the last four weeks and most memory from before is gone. When the morphine wore off I began to recognize Lindsay, I felt as if I knew her well, though I did not know we got married.

She came the day after I woke up and showed me photos of our wedding. She looked beautiful, I asked questions about the photos, the more I asked the sadder she became. Seeing her sad made me sad. I stopped asking after awhile.

Lindsay has been sitting with me most of the time, when I can't reach something, she reaches it. When I have an itch, she itches it. When I wake up afraid, she holds me. I don't know why I have this woman, but I am happy to have her.

The sun is bright at my window. I am sitting upright in my hospital bed watching the television, flipping channels from one thing to the other, not paying attention to what I am watching, I like the sound of flipping channels. It's like sitting on a subway and listening to all the conversations around you. One is about coffee, one is about new shoes, the other new cars, the other talks about what this celebrity did to another. It makes me smile and I feel normal.

I hear someone enter my room. I don't turn to see who it is, I assume someone else from the hospital. I don't care.

Hello Mr. Messer, how are we feeling today? Any head aches? Pain?

As much as I love your enthusiasm, I'd appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself, and the only thing that has to do with 'we' right now, is that we're sharing some oxygen. So 'I' am fine. Please leave.

I'm sorry, but I thought I could ask some questions and do an exam see how your recovery is going.

No.

I'm sorry?

Later, I'm busy.

Mr. Messer, it doesn't work that way. This isn't an option. We need to check you over.

That's ok.

Mr. Mess...

I said no.

I have not even looked at him since he came in the room. He is staring at me I can feel it, but I am busy. I like the subway, I like pretending I am on it while I flip through channels. I feel relaxed. I don't need to be examined. I know I'm not getting better.

I'll be back in a bit Mr. Messer.

Whatever.

I hear him get up and walk to the door, he is hurt, you can hear it in his step. I feel sorry for him, though I don't care anymore.

I hear someone else enter and I get angry.

I said not right now.

Danny, it's me.

I turn, it's Flack. I remembered him from when I was found. He looks tired. Worse then me.

Hey, I thought you were someone else. You look like shit.

Look who is talking!

He takes a deep breathe.

We haven't stopped looking for the man who did this Dan, but we just don't have enough to go on.

That sucks.

Danny, we need you to try and remember. Anything, anything at all?

Have you seen that new X-Man movie? I watched it last night, it's pretty amazing. Graphics or whatever.

I turned back to the TV and flipped more channels.

Danny, please?

He is talking softly, he is pleading.

Have you?

What?

Have you seen it? It's great. Really great.

His hands dropped to his side and let out a breathe. It was not the breathe of relief, it sounded like disgust.

No Danny, no I haven't.

He said as he turned and left the room. I flip, smile, I flip, smile. It makes me feel good.


	5. Chapter 5

It's been weeks and the feeling has yet to come back to my legs. I refused to talk to doctors, they couldn't possibly understand how I am. Lindsay has been with me nearly everyday and sat with me nearly every night. Though I am uncomfortable touching her, I needed her to touch me. I needed comfort. I needed her.

Lindsay is sitting in the chair beside my bed flipping through a magazine, the sound of the pages turning is like a sedative. I love watching her, as she looks from page to page she hair bounces back and forth with every turn. How can someone so beautiful love someone like me? I'm not even sure who 'me' is, but I wouldn't like me if I were someone else.

What are you reading?

I say, she looks up and I see the light brown glow of her eyes meet mine.

How to please your man in bed.

She answers showing me the copy of Cosmo.

Does it say anything in there about a paralyzed man in a hospital bed?

I say, with a smile, hoping she'll laugh.

No, but it does have some interesting tips about baths... maybe I'll take over for the night nurse.

She smiled. She hasn't done that much. I love her smile, I smile when I see her smile. I thought she would be upset about making jokes, but she doesn't, she understands I need the humor. I love this woman.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah what's up?

She answers.

How long was I missing for?

Lindsay looked up quickly and dropped the magazine.

Are you sure?

What do you mean?

You haven't talked about what happened since you came in, are you sure you want to bring it up?

I look at her and I think, the look in her eyes says she is more afraid to talk about this then I am.

Yes. I'm sure. How long?

Three weeks. You were missing three weeks before we found you.

That long eh? I think I'm happy I don't remember, but I'm not at the same time.

We were going out for dinner.

For our anniversary?

Yes, you remember that?

I put a suite on, I left the apartment. You were still working and were going to be late, so I was on the way to pick you up from the lab...

I paused, the memory is rushing back to me. Lindsay sits forward and puts her hand on mine.

... a car hit me. It was dark out, I was driving, I was almost there, someone cut me off, and at the same time someone hit the left side. I blacked out, for what had to be just a couple of seconds, when I opened my eyes I was spitting out blood of my mouth and my side was bloody. There was a piece of metal sticking in the stomach, I kept coughing up more blood. Then I saw a bright like, like a flash light or something and someone broke the window on the passenger side I remember someone coming into the car, I asked them for help, they were wearing a white ski mask. Then... it gets fuzzy.

Lindsay is sitting in her chair listening intently. Waiting for a pause to come.

They drugged you, rendered you unconscious. Do you remember anything else?

Yes.

What? It's ok, I'm here.

Lindsay said as she moved onto the bed to sit next to me.

Tell me what you remembered?

I woke up somewhere dark that smelled bad. I kept blacking out. I remember them ripping out my fingernails with pliers. I remember screaming. I remember getting hit. I have short flash backs, then they leave again.

I paused and looked up at Lindsay, she had tears in her eyes.

That's all.

I'm so sorry.

I admired her strengths, she wanted to cry, but was holding back for me. She makes me feel happy.

When I saw the photo of us you brought me, I remembered our anniversary. I remember waking up that day, it was cold in our apartment and you had taken all the blankets. I was annoyed with you, then I was in a bad mood. I left for work without saying goodbye. We had different cases that day, I didn't hear from you until you called to say you were tied up and was running behind. I was mad at you again.

Danny...

I stopped her from speaking.

I didn't want to be mad at you, I was mad already though. On our anniversary I was mad at you and I almost died. I would have died knowing that I was a dick to you that day. I'm sorry I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry I let myself be kidnapped.

Oh Danny, is that what you think? You let this happen?

I don't want pity. Please don't feel sorry for me. I'm sorry I was a jerk. That's all I wanted to say.

Ok.

Ok.

Danny, I love you.

I'm hungry. We should eat soon.

Oh... yeah sure.

She looked confused. I felt sorry for her, but not upset. One this that has died in this experience is my sense of emotion. I don't cry, I don't complain, and I don't stress over others feelings. The only thing I can feel is fear. Fear that someone is still looking to hurt and kill me. I have fear. I still have my fear.


	6. Chapter 6

I was sitting in a wheel chair in an office that looked like something out of a day time soap opera. There were Oak panels on the walls and a large oak desk in the middle of the room. I could see Certificates on the walls from Harvard, and other ivy leagues. The entire room made me feel uncomfortable, the chair made me uncomfortable, the cast on my wrist itched and felt uncomfortable. I move my free hand and do my best to scratch underneath it as much as possible. Lindsay is sitting next to me, who was quite up until now, speaks.

Does it itch?

No, not at all just trying to see if I could fit some more shit in it for short storage.

Alright, I'll leave you alone.

She did that often, she doesn't argue with me anymore. Just lets me get away with treating her like crap. Though she probably thinks this is helping, it is only making me more and more angry. So I roll my eyes at her.

The door opens and a man enters, he is reading some papers in his hands and is wearing a gray oxford with a white shirt. He looks up at us with his black frame glasses and speaks.

Hello, you must be... ah, Mr. Messer.

He says looking down at his sheet.

Yeah.

I say dryly.

Well, nice to meet you. My name is Dr. Bergum, I have no problem with you calling me Jay.

Neat.

I reply, this time with anger in my tone.

Danny, stop it.

Lindsay says, acting as if she is my mother and I am misbehaving. I look at her and roll my eyes again.

Ah, I take it this is your wife.

Yes, nice to meet you. I'm Lindsay.

They shake hands and 'Jay' moves around to sit at his desk.

So I have read over your file, and from what I gather we have a lot to talk about. He said as he looked over his glasses to me. I don't reply, I just sit and wait for the next dumb-ass thing he is going to say.

Ok, so I know what's in your file, why don't you tell me your version of what's going on in your life right now?

Where should I start Freud? For one, I don't have any memory of why I'm fucked-up. I still have no feelings in my legs as the doctors told me I would, and I have NO idea why I don't have any feeling to begin with. Oh, and I've been stuck in this god-for-saken hospital for the last month and half and I still can't remember SHIT!

My heart was racing. This was a new emotion. They seem to be coming back at weird times. This time it's anger, yesterday it was annoyance, which today manifested itself into anger.

Ah.

What does 'ah' mean exactly Mr. Harvard?

It's Jay, Mr. Messer.

He was being very cool about my outburst.

Lindsay, would you mind waiting outside for us?

Oh, yes, no problem.

She sounded surprised though I had no idea why, I have been an asshole trying to get rid of her all day. She turned to me and kissed my cheek and whispered that she'll wait. I turn away and roll my eyes. As the door closes behind her, Jay looks at me again as if he is sizing me up.

Danny, can I call you Danny?

I nod.

I understand you are upset. I think it will be good for you to express yourself rather then hold it in. If any memories come back to you, doesn't matter how horrible they are. You need to express and address them. Immediately.

I look down at my hand, it itches again.

Fucking cast.

I cuss aloud.

You do that a lot don't you?

What?

Change the subject when you're uncomfortable.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Yes, you do.

I don't want to talk about what happened, not right now. I can't do this... I'm just so angry all the time. About everything. About Lindsay, at this fucking wheel chair, at my brain for giving up. I'm just so tired.

He wasn't speaking, I look up at him and he is still staring at me.

What? Why are you looking at me?

Does it make you uncomfortable?

Yes. Stop.

What makes this uncomfortable?

The fact that you look like you are trying to eye fuck me, would be a good one.

That's not it.

Ok then you tell me Harvard.

From your experience what do you remember?

I remember waking up.

That's a lie Danny.

So now I'm a liar?

Yes.

Whatever dude, if I could storm out of here quick I would, but I haven't mastered steering yet.

Clever.

Shut up.

I hate this man, I don't know what he is trying to prove but it's not working. I've decided to avoid eye contact, I will not look him in the eye. I move my gaze around his office, out the window, to the door. All the while ignoring his stare.

Danny, I want to try something with you. From your chart, your Doctors say that you refuse to speak about your injuries. I would like to tell you what they are, talking about them may spark memories of the traumatic event that occurred. Is that alright with you?

No, but you're going to do it anyways right? Fine. Whatever, lets do it.

Alright. He said as he opened the chart.

Let's start from the head to the foot, shall we? First we have a Head trauma which caused your brain to swell and has caused the temporary memory loss. You also have many contusions, fifty-two stitches total, including twenty-two to the inside of your mouth and thirty stitches to six separate cuts on your scalp. Bruises to the left cheek, and right jaw. Bruised wind-pipe. Bruises to the upper body, mostly the chest with three cracked ribs and one broken rib, fracture to the left wrist and significant bruising. Fingernails on the left hand were also removed, with what could only be with what the doctors described as a blunt metal object. Trauma to the the tenth and eleventh vertebrae with bruising and swelling to the spinal cord, doctors are optimistic of making a recovery. And last but not least, extensive bruising to both the right and left legs, including a cracked knee cap.

When he finished he closed the file and looked up at me. He had a look on his face that made him look cold. I felt cold. I had tears running down my face, and I was shaking from head to foot. I knew it was bad, but not that bad. I have refused to discuss my injuries, fearing they would sound as he told me. I have not looked in the mirror and I wont. I am too afraid of what will stare back at me.

So you broke me, happy?

Not at all.

I didn't want to hear it.

I know.

I don't remember.

I think you do Danny, maybe not all of the injuries, but some.

I don't want to remember.

I understand. What you do remember, would you like to share it?

I shake my head, I couldn't answer. My voice was bound to crack.

Do you recollect anything that might explain some of these injuries?

His voice was getting softer, it soothed me. I felt stronger in his presence now, I had nothing to hid now.

Some.

How long have you had these memories and kept them to yourself?

A week or so.

Is that about the time your anger started?

Yes.

I still could not stay within his eye contact. I couldn't look up to meet his eyes, I couldn't talk about it, not yet. Something inside had broke, I felt exposed and weak.

Danny, I want you to look at me.

I take a deep breathe and I look up. He can now see the tears rolling out of my eyes, and I can see the blue of his eyes looking back at me. His eyes are comfortable now.

I'm not saying you have to talk about it, you don't. Anything that is said in here will stay between us.

I take another deep breathe and I nod.

I'm not ready.

And I wasn't. I can't bring my self back to the memories of torture, blood and pain. Not yet.


	7. Chapter 7

After my session with Jay, Lindsay and I returned to my hospital room. The walk through the hospital was a quite one, as we moved through the hallways I felt my life beginning to drop. The emotions and memories that I could not explain were eating at me, and turning me into something I'm not. Who that person was before I was abducted is gone, gone, gone. I don't know who he was or if he'll ever get back.

Moving into the room Lindsay wheeled me up to the bed and called a nurse in to help move me into bed. As she walks past me, I reach and take her hand in mine and bring it to my face, she looks confused but kneels down beside my chair and looks at me. She can see the tears in my eyes for the first time since we left the office. Without saying a word she smiles and brings the other hand to my head and begins to stroke my hair. It calms me. I feel good, at least for a second.

I'm sorry.

It's alright, Danny.

I don't know who I am.

It'll come.

What if it doesn't?

I guess we're just going to have to get to know each other again.

Her smile is warm, it's comforting. I feel safe again.

Ok, I think I can do that.

I smile, it's forced but it's there. Most of my stitches in and around my mouth have healed but it still pulls.

The nurse enters the room, he and Lindsay begin to move me to the bed. As they move me a weird sensation hits me.

Ah!

I yelped out, it was pain. I felt pain in my legs.

What? Danny, what's happened?

Lindsay said, she wasn't frantic but it wasn't far off in her tone.

I felt that.

Felt what?

The nurse asked.

My knee, I felt my knee. It hurts.

Ok, sit tight Danny. I'm going to get your doctor.

He left the room, Lindsay began to lean over me and stroke my hair again as I tried to control my heart. The beats were hammering against my ribs. I couldn't tell if this was from the excitement of having sensation in my legs or from the little bouts of shooting pain that was radiating up my thigh.

Can you move your toes? Try and move them Danny.

Lindsay asked as she held my hand. I try, with not prevail. I cannot move my toes, why does the pain have to come back, but not the movement. Fuck.

No, I can't. I can't. Damnit.

It's alright Danny, one step at a time. This is looking good.

Lindsay turns away as the Dr. Chan enters the room, he is my neurosurgeon.

Mr. Messer, I've been told your knee is hurting? Is that right?

Yeah, I got into bed and it started sending shooting pain up my leg, but I still can't move my toes.

He looked down at his chart and moved to the leg and began examining it. He took a strange tool out of his pocket that looked like a pizza cutter with smooth jagged edges. He lifted my foot and ran the tool up the bottom. If I could feel my feet, I would double over, I am very ticklish. This thought makes me laugh out loud, Lindsay and the doctor stop and look at me.

Can you feel that?

No!

I answer as I laugh.

Ok, Dan. I need you to tell me when you have sensation. Now?

He moves up my calf. Nothing. My knee. Nothing. My thigh. Nothing.

I still can't feel anything.

Danny, I have some bad news for you. The pain your feeling, it's ghost pain. Your brain is telling you it hurts, but you can't actually feel it. I'm sorry, but there is no sensation.

No, but I can feel it! It hurts, how can you say that!

My voice was cracking. I wasn't imagining this pain, I am feeling it.

I'm sorry. I'm going to set you up for another MRI today, maybe we can see if there is any progress with the swelling.

No, I can feel the pain. My cracked knee cap! It's hurting. Please? I can feel it.

The doctor and Lindsay looked at each other. I looked from one to the other. This had to be a joke I could feel it, couldn't I? Dr. Chan looked up at me, I could see the concern across his face.

I'm sorry Danny. I'll have a nurse come and get you for your MRI. I'm sorry.

He turned and left the room, Lindsay turned back to me, she was still holding my hand.

Danny, it'll come back.

She, too, has tears in her eyes. I look at our intertwined hands and I speak.

Lindsay, can I just be alone for a while. Just a little while.

Ok.

She said as she came close and kissed my forehead, I squeezed my eyes shut as she did so, taking in all the sensations I could feel.

I'm going to make some calls. When you need me, just call the nurses, they'll find me. Ok?

I nod, she kisses my forehead again.

I love you.

She says.

I nod. She leaves.

I lay back on my pillow, I pick up a pillow and I squeeze it, I hug it. I let it hold me. A pillow can't hurt me, I squeeze it and I cry. I cry for myself, I cry. I put my head down onto the pillow in my arms and I cry. I cry into the pillow, I can feel myself gasping for breath, I am crying long and hard. I am crying for all the times I haven't felt this emotion to cry. I cry because the flood gates are open, and I cannot close them until they are empty.

I cry.


	8. Chapter 8

Two days have gone by and I have yet to open my mouth to speak. The questions the doctors ask have a simple yes or no, shake or nod of the head answer. None of which requires my voice. The disappointment of feeling something then nothing at all was worse then death. In fact, I'd welcome death right about now.

Lindsay has noticed the change and seems to be sitting with me at all hours of the day, she won't even go to the bathroom without a nurse present. It's almost as if she thinks I'll either start to speak and she'll miss it or I'll jump out the window. Though I don't know how effective that would be, seeing as how it would take me about an hour to get to the chair, and move myself to the window and out it by myself. Too much work, the other options I've consider include; biting and choking on my tongue, too painful. Holding my meds under my tongue and hiding them under my pillow until I have enough to down them and kill myself quietly, too time consuming. Holding a pillow across my mouth until I stop breathing, too stupid. There are not a lot of options for a paralyzed guy to kill himself when he can't get five minutes alone. The thought alone is enough to end it really, I can't even kill myself the way I want to.

Lindsay's sitting in the chair next to my bed staring out the window, she is chewing on her hair. I never understood why girls do this, I can't imagine it tasting good or being satisfying in the least bit. She just sits with her hair wrapped around her fingers and in her mouth just staring. I wonder what she is thinking. How she is feeling, and why she is still here. I can't understand why she wants to be here. I just can't. She needs to move on and do something with her life, not sit in a hospital room with some fuck-up that can't even bathe himself. I speak, after days of silence, I speak.

Go home.

I say out loud without thinking.

What?

Lindsay answers turning her attention to me and dropping the hair, which is now wet.

Go home. I don't want you here anymore. You need to move on.

Danny, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about you wasting your time here. I'm not the man you married, not any part of me is. You need to walk out that door and not come back. Don't even turn around.

She folds her hands across her lap and stares me in the eye, she looks defiant in her seat.

No.

I'm shocked by her calmness.

No? You're useless to me. I don't even remember you. The only memories I have, are of me being pissed off at you! I don't need you loitering over me.

I say it harshly so she'll get the point and leave.

No.

Lindsay, why? Why are you here? Why are you sitting here playing with your hair and annoying me? Is that what you want? Do you want me to go crazy so you don't have to deal with me?

Fuck you Danny!

Anger radiates off of her, her face is getting redder, her once calm hands start shaking.

Finally some emotion.

Fuck you!

You know I would, but I'm sure I'm useless in that department too.

I say without dryly and hard, I wish I was joking at the point, but the sarcasm helps.

You are one selfish bastard, do you know that? I know what you're doing here. I know you think I'm stupid but I'm not.

Lindsay stands from her chair and pushes it back against the wall. It hits with such force that it falls to the floor.

Oh yeah? Then what am I doing?

You're pushing me away.

No, I'm throwing you out. There's a difference.

My face is still straight. I cannot give in to any emotion at this point. I need her to think that I am empty so that she'll move on and find someone else who can give her everything she needs. This is a game I cannot loose.

Keep telling yourself that, but you and I both know you're doing this because you think it will be easier for me when you end it. Don't you?

And I've lost. My face falls from the strong angered look to melancholy.

Won't it?

No it won't, and guess what? I'm not going anywhere!

Her voice is softer.

You're wasting your time.

On what?

ME! Don't you get it? I don't want to live! I don't want to remember. I don't want you to wait for me to heal so we can have a happily ever after! There isn't going to be one! I am either going to die in this hospital bed, or at home with my own gun. Those are my only options.

It's the first time that I have been honest with myself since this incident happened. I am going to die because of this, this isn't something I can get past and I know it.

Don't say that.

Why? It's true.

No, it is not true Danny. Do you think I want to be here? In this position? I know you've been trying to get rid of me, I know. I can't deal with all this by myself, it's too hard.

THEN LEAVE!

NO! I told you, I am not going anywhere. No matter how much you want me too, or however much you roll your eyes at me whenever I kiss you, or however many times I've told you that I love you and you tell me you're hungry in return. It doesn't matter how much you want me gone. I'm here. I love you Danny, I love you so fucking much and that is why I stay here! I am not leaving until you come home with me! To our home, where we can live through all the things we wanted together.

There are big tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. She is yelling and she looks hysterical, yet she is holding it together better then me. I can't take this anymore.

Please, just go?

I have tears in my eyes and my voice is cracking. I can feel myself hit rock bottom, and the tears are coming.

No.

Lindsay answers plaining, picking up my hand and holds it. I try to pull away, she squeezed tighter.

GO!

I yell, I am crying. In front of Lindsay I am crying.

I'm not going anywhere.

She moves to the bed she sits on the edge and pulls me closer. My head is resting on her shoulder, I cry. She wraps her hands around me, I cry. I pull my hands up and I hold onto her hair, I cry. I cry. I cry.

I don't deserve you.

Probably not, but you're stuck with me anyway.

I laugh through my tears but I still cry. Lindsay cries. We cry together. I am no man. I don't know who I am, but I am no man. They took that away from me. They have left me a shell of a man I once was. I hate them, and I can feel the fury inside me rise.

It hits me, the angrier I become, I can feel more, I can remember more. Memories flood my brain like poison.

I stop crying and I push myself away from Lindsay but not apart from her.

What?

She says softly, looking down at me. I stare straight ahead, it's as if I am looking past her into the past. I speak.

There were hooks on the walls. There were dead bodies and body parts hanging off of them. I remember blood everywhere, it was like the walls were painted with blood. There was a man standing in front of me, he was wearing an apron, it was black; he had a face mask on it was white like the mask from the car. There was a table next to me, it had tools on it, bloody tools. Knives and weird tools. I remember being strapped down, I was naked, I was so cold, I was laying on my back. I struggled so much I felt the skin on my wrists break.

The man leaned over my head and hit me with something heavy in the chest. I couldn't breath. It took all the air from me. He kept saying "God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn." Over and over again, like he was chanting. It was like he was having fun.

I remember screaming, I couldn't stop, I just screamed and screamed and screamed. He put a knife in my mouth and cut my cheek back. I choked on blood. I couldn't move my head to spit it out, so I had to swallow my own blood. I had to drink it. I had to drink my own damn blood. I think I past out from the pain 'cause that's where it gets fuzzy. I don't remember anything after that.

I stop talking and the tears still flow in a steady stream out my eyes. Lindsay is holding me, and I can feel her shaking and hear her crying with me.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

She says quietly over and over again. She blames herself. I can tell. I don't want to think anymore, so I close my eyes. Lindsay is rocking my body back and forth as she cries, and I cry.

Can I sleep? I think I want to sleep?

I ask. Lindsay loosens her grip and looks me in the eye. Her eyes are red and puffy, she looks hurt. She nods and lays me down, she turns to leave. I take her hand.

Stay with me. Please?

She nods and forces a smile. She climbs in bed next to me and wraps her small frame around me, we've both been through an ordeal. We need each other. I need her. I'm happy she stayed.

She squeezes me, I kiss her forehead. I feel better.

I love you Danny.

She says quietly

I'm happy you stayed.

I reply. It's progress.

Me too.

We're both exhausted. We both need sleep. I fall asleep with Lindsay in my arms. My weak, tortured arms. My arms.


	9. Chapter 9

I was asleep when something woke me. There were people in my room, my instincts told me to wake up and find them, but the injured my told me to stay down and play dead. I could hear Lindsay breathing against my chest, she's still here. She's here.

I heard some voices talking so I decided to open my eyes a little just to see who was there. My eyes were fooling me, I saw a mask and a black coat. He was back. My body began to shake and my heart began to hammer against my chest. It hurt. I was afraid, I started breathing heavily.

I shot my eyes open and sat up, Lindsay looked confused as she fell back away from me. I began to breath heavy as I screamed out. The room was empty. There was no one there.

Danny? What happened?

I heard someone, there is someone here.

Lindsay moved off the bed and looked around the room.

Danny the room is empty. It's just us.

No, I heard them. He was wearing a mask!

Lindsay's face fell. She walked back to me and picked up my hand.

You were having a nightmare. It wasn't real baby.

She was rubbing the back of my hands with her thumbs. Her voice was calming, but I couldn't relax.

NO! They were here! Don't you get it! They are going to come back for me! Damnit, why don't you believe me?

I must have sounded hysterical because Lindsay looked worried.

Ok, just breath alright, stay calm.

No, I can't we have to go. We need to leave!

I said attempting to get out of bed, forgetting about my dead weight legs.

Danny! Stop!

Lindsay was pushing me back down, all the while I was screaming we had to go. She reached across my bed and hit the call button. Someone from the other line spoke.

Nurses station.

I need some help in here right now!

Lindsay yelled while trying to hold me down while I kicked and screamed.

LINDSAY! STOP, Please we have to go! They're going to kill us!

I couldn't breathe I was struggling so hard. Frantic to get out of the room and away from this hospital. They knew I was here and they were coming back for me.

Lindsay had tears in her eyes as she held me down. The nurses came into the room and took over for her, pushing her back out of the way. I was screaming incoherently. My throat hurt from yelling. One of the male nurses grabbed my hands and strapped my down with leather buckles. I screamed. They were back.

No! Stop! Please just stop!

I yelled, I had tears running down my face. I couldn't breathe. I felt an oxygen mask being placed over my face and I saw a needle enter my IV tubing. I began to relax. My head got heavy and I started to fall back towards the pillow. I can see Lindsay standing in the room talking to the doctor. He is trying to calm her down, she is crossing her arms and nodding as he talks to her with his hand on her shoulder. I wonder what they are saying I feel like I am a million miles away. Watching my life from the outside.

Lindsay?

I say, so softly I can barely hear it.

Lindsay!

I repeat this time a little louder. I am slurring. I can see her come closer, she is blurry. I can hear her.

I'm right here Danny, everything is going to be ok.

She says softly, she is close to my ear. She is leaning over me whispering in my ear. Her hands are on my face. She kisses my forehead. She is scared. I am scared. My eyes get heavy and I close them. My hands are strapped down. I am panicking but I have no strength to move. They have taken me again. My heart races, my eyes fall closed. I am out again. Darkness sets in, and I sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

I awoke laying in the same position I had fallen asleep in; my body felt weak and my wrists hurt. My face was covered in a thin layer of sweat and my body was shaking. I can hear Lindsay's voice not to far off with someone else. I can't place where I have heard the voice before now but I didn't seem threatened by it. I closed my eyes hoping they had not noticed I was awake and I listened, all while controlling my heart.

Lindsay, he just needs more time.

I don't think time is going to matter. Mac, I think he's loosing it.

He's going through something none of us can even begin to understand Lindsay. The evidence of torture we collected, it... it was disgusting. I understand he isn't dealing, I'd be worried if he was.

You just aren't getting it, he isn't any better today as he was the day we found him. I think he's actually getting worse!

I can't hold off the F.B.I. forever Lindsay, they are going to question him whether we like it or not. That's why we have to tell him.

No. Forget it.

Lindsay?

No, Mac forget it. He isn't ready. A simple nightmare upset him to the point where he had to be sedated. Wait.

Mac let out a deep breath, obviously defeated.

Alright, I'll see what I can do about holding them off for a couple more days. I can't promise anything.

Thank you.

Yeah, take care of him Lindsay.

I am.

I can hear him turn and walk away. Lindsay doesn't move, she just stands and breathes deep. It's as if she is trying to slow time down, even for a second.

After a couple minutes she returns to her chair next to the bed, she sits down with a huff and I can hear the pages of a magazine being flipped again. I start to move my hands, arms, and neck. I slowly turn to see Lindsay reading a magazine. I speak.

Hi.

I say it low and weakly. She looks up.

Hi. How...?

She says without finishing, knowing that I know the question.

Better. Sorry.

It's ok, it's not your fault.

I didn't mean to scare you.

I know.

She smiles, its weak but its there. I try to reach for her hand, but they are strapped down, I struggle.

It's ok.

I feel weak from the medication, I take a deep breathe and give up on struggling. Lindsay reaches my hand and holds it.

The doctors said its for your protection, for now.

I'm not crazy.

I sound calm, but in my head I am panicked. The drugs keep me calm. I like the drugs.

No one thinks you are.

She looks tired. I can't blame her, she needs sleep.

What aren't you telling me?

Nothing.

You're lying. What aren't you telling me?

She lets out a deep breath and stares at me, she is weighing her options. I have gotten to know her better since I woke up, and I see the different faces she makes when she is sad, anger, confused, deciding. This one is deciding.

I promise that I will tell you, but not yet. I promise.

Did they find him?

I'm not even sure if I want to know the answer but I ask anyways.

Danny?

Did they?

She looks at her hands and scrunches up her eye brows.

Yes. About a week ago.

I move my gaze from her to the door.

That's good. Right?

Danny, there's more to it. I will tell you but only if you are sure you want to hear it. I don't think you're ready for this.

What? Come on Lindsay, you might as well tell me while I'm strapped down and drugged.

I smile looking back at her. She is not smiling. She is not crying. She looks as if she has seen a Ghost.

What?

Lindsay looks back at her hands and then up at me.

The F.B.I. found his body a week ago. He was in some tunnels about two miles from where we found you.

His body? I don't understand.

He's dead. The evidence points to... Danny, you killed him.

I... no. No, I don't... that didn't happen.

My heart begins to race, I'm confused. How could I have killed him. I'm paralyzed, how could I have killed someone and not remembered?

How?

No, Danny. We're not getting into this right now. In time, but not now.

Lindsay, how?

I repeat this time louder. There is anger present in my voice.

He was beaten and stabbed to death. Danny, we know it was self defense, I don't think you did this yourself.

I don't know what think, how to feel, or what to do. I look at my hands and realize I'm making fists. I relax them, and take a deep breathe.

Good.

Lindsay looked up, she looked slightly shocked. Her forehead is scrunched, her eyes are narrow.

What?

I hope he suffered.

Danny?

My body relaxes and I smile.

I hope it was painful.

I have a smile across my face, for the first time in weeks I am completely relaxed. I let out a long deep breath and look at Lindsay.

I hope he screamed.

The look on Lindsay's face is pure horror. Her mouth is open, her eyes have fear in them. She moves slowly and gets up from her chair.

I'm... I'm going to get a coffee.

She turns and slowly walks from the room, stopping at the door turning back to look at me. I have never seen her look so scared. She turns and disappears.

I sit and smile. Knowing that he died the same way he lived. I smile. For the first time I am relaxed.

I smile. I see the blood he lost and I smile. I smile.


	11. Chapter 11

The room was colder then usual today, or maybe it was me. I can't tell anymore. Lindsay has finally gone home and gotten some sleep, after a long time of sleeping in a chair, she finally distanced herself away from me long enough to sleep soundly in a bed. To be honest, I think she just doesn't want to be around me anymore, I scare her. Since learning of my captures horrific killing, I have been happier, almost too happy. It is not that I have lost all my human ability to feel, I haven't. It is that the only memories I have from my experience spent with said man, are gruesome to any human being that had to live them or even see the lasting results of. This man got what he deserved and I hope he went down fighting desperately for his last breathe.

Laying in my warm hospital bed, I am restless, and ready to leave. The doctors say I have to stick around until I can be cleared medically by my neurologist, he believes I am at a great risk leaving here if there is anything wrong with my brain. Sadly that doesn't include my memories. I wish they could take them too. Everyday another resurfaces and I am left a heap of broken man.

Yesterday while reading a magazine, a memory came out of no where and caused convulsions to run across my body. I was being held up by chains, attached to my wrists and ankles, I was being beaten by chains. I would twist and turn as he hit over and over. He still wore the same mask and laughed harder the louder I screamed. One hit caused my wrist to twist and I heard the deafening crack of the bone and my knees gave way from beneath me.

When Lindsay returned to the room, I was laying in vomit and shaking uncontrollably, unable to catch my breathe. She called the doctors and they gave me drugs. I like the drugs. They make me calm, and nothing in the world can bother me. I like the drugs.

I am watching television, I need to move but my body won't allow to move much so I do what I can and I stretch. Long and hard, I pull my arms up over my head and wiggle my fingers, I twist my back and stretch my stomach, I moved my legs and wiggle my toes. Wiggle my toes. Wiggle my toes. I can wiggle my toes. Though my legs aren't moving, I am wiggling my toes.

My heart bounces and I hit the call button.

Nurses station?

I can move my toes!

I yell excitedly.

I'm sorry?

She sounds confused.

I said, I CAN MOVE MY TOES!

I yell into the receiver.

I stop listening to her reply and I laugh. I laugh out loud and I wiggle my toes. I watch them as they move slowly but at my command. I want to dance, I want to jump up and down and dance, because I can, eventually that is.

My celebration is paused when Dr. Chan enters the room with two nurses.

Danny, the nurses said there was something you had to tell me?

Yeah, check this out!

I say pointing to my toes as I move them once more.

Wow, congratulations!

He says walking up to my bed and pulling the pizza cutter tool out of his pocket once again.

Alright Danny, you know the drill.

He said as he started to move the tool up my feet and legs.

Foot, yes, calf, yes, knee, sort of, thigh, just barely.

Yes! It's coming back! Right Doc?

I scream like a kid in a toy store. I am excited, I am smilingly like a fool and I can feel my feet. Who knew I would be excited about something like this?

It's a good sign, it's been three months with nothing and this is the only progress. Let's take this one step at a time. Can you do that for me?

Do what?

I hear from behind. Lindsay is back and she is carrying some bags with her, hopefully with some new pajamas for me.

Linds! Check this out!

I say doing the same show I did for Dr. Chan. A smile spreads across her face and she moved to the bed beside me.

That's great Danny.

She says calmly running her hands over my face and hair.

I'm proud of you.

She kisses me. I missed her.

Ok, like I said Danny, it's progress. We'll do some tests and hopefully we can start some therapy to get you moving around some more. But this is good.

He smiled, I smile back. I am happy. Things are looking up.

Congratulations Danny. I have some tests to order, I'll come back and check on you later.

Bye Doc!

I say enthusiatically as he leaves.

I feel good about this.

I say to Lindsay turning towards her. She still has a smile on her face.

I know, this is good Danny.

She looks at me and makes a face.

You however don't smell good.

She laughs and moves towards her bag and starts unpacking what she brought. She takes out a new nicely folded t-shirt and a clean _NYPD_ hooded sweater and puts them on the bed. She stands up from the bag and motions for me to strip, I do, I take off my old sweater and t-shirt, and hand them to her.

Lindsay hands me the new shirt, before I can put it on she stops my hand.

What?

I say, not understanding what she is doing.

I haven't seen them before.

She is staring at my chest and stomach, I realize what she means, I get self-conscious and move to replace my shirt. She stops me.

It's ok.

No it's not, stop looking.

She moves closer and runs her hand across my chest. I don't pull away, I don't know why. I can feel it brush my stomach, her hands are warm.

I close my eyes and my chin drops. Lindsay takes my face in her hands and I open my eyes.

It's nothing to be ashamed of.

Yes, it is. I'm disgusting.

Look at yourself Danny. Look.

She is forceful. I look her in the eye, she isn't changing her mind.

Look.

Her hand is still on my chest. I look down. There are little scars on my chest from where the stitches healed. The skin around the scars is red and there are many, they run along my chest and stomach. There are cuts on my arms and new skin around my wrist where the skin torn and bled from being strapped. My skin is pale and I look sick. My ribs are sticking out more then normal, my muscles are fading slowly from not moving often.

Huh.

That's all I can say looking at my weak body.

Huh.

I repeat. I look up at Lindsay, she is waiting for another reaction. I don't know if I have one. I don't know how to feel, should I feel ugly? Should I be upset that someone could do this to me? Should I be upset that one human could do this to another? I don't know.

Well, that sucks.

I say bluntly.

Yeah. Yeah it does.

I laugh, Lindsay laughs. I don't know why we are laughing. After everything that has happened to us, laughing at the physical scars left behind just seems appropriate. I laugh so hard and so long my chest hurts. Lindsay laughs so hard she had tears running down her face. We laugh and it feels good.

After a couple minutes of ridiculous laughter we stop and I look at Lindsay, she is so beautiful, everything about her.

Wow.

What?

She looks confused, she is still trying to supress her laughter.

You. Just you.

I am smiling, she is smiling.

I love you Lindsay.

She looks shocked. She smiles wide and scrunches her brow.

I'm hungry.

She answers, I laugh, she laughs. I take her hand and pull her closer. I kiss her, I kiss her long and deep. I missed her. I missed everything about her. I missed her.

We separate and she runs her hand over the scar at the side of my mouth.

In sickness and in health.

She says softly. I kiss her again.

I love you Danny Messer.

Yeah, you're not so bad yourself.

I smile and kiss her again, just as long and just as deep as the last one. I loved her and I missed her, and now I love her again.


	12. Chapter 12

I had been awake for a couple of minutes, I am waiting for something to come into focus but nothing has come. The room is black, wet, and cold. My skin is exposed, a shiver runs up my spine and I feel goosebumps spread over my chest. I take a breath and move my hands, they are strapped down to something, my feet are the same. I can feel the same strap across my forehead keeping my body in place. I cannot move, I am strapped down and cold. I'm trapped.

A cool breeze drifts through the room and I hear a giant light switch come on, the lights come on across the ceiling. I am in some kind of warehouse. It starts to come into view, everything is red. The cemented floors have blood stains running across the floor. It almost looks fake until I see the hooks with human body parts hanging from the ceiling. I can feel my stomach start to turn. I have seen dead bodies before, but not like this. I can feel the vomit coming but I hold it down, knowing I will choke.

I can feel someone enter the room, my fists are clenched, my jaw is tight, I shake. I am shaking and I am afraid.

Hello, my son.

He comes into view, he is tall and wearing a white mask, a black apron and glove.

My Lord has informed me of your arrival. He says that you have offered yourself to me and I am here to except.

Who the fuck are you?

My heart begins to beat again, hard and fast. I feel like I am dreaming.

Answers will come when you have accepted your gift. I will save you.

He was calm, eerily calm, I am shaking.

Where am I?

In the Lords workshop son.

Who are these people?

These are not people. Not any more. They are demons, just like the demon that lives with in you.

He puts his gloved finger on my chest, I try to pull away but I cannot move.

What? There are no demons! These are people!

I pleaded with him, but instead of letting me go he pulled a baton out of his apron and brought it down across my knees with a sickening crack.

I scream, loud, I scream. I can feel tears burning at my eyes, I can't move. I want to run away but I have no where to go. I'm trapped.

Please! Please just stop!

I am breathing heavily. I am panting, I am struggling to catch my breath.

I will stop when the demon is released and sent back to hell. I will save you, and if I cannot, I will kill you to save your soul.

I cannot see his face, but I can feel him smiling. I try to control my breathing, as my knees throb from the blow. Pain is radiating down to my toes.

Son, let me help you and the demon will stop hurting you.

There are no demons you twisted FUCK!

I scream. His chin drops, and he turns and walked towards a cart just within my site. He pulls it back in front of me, there are metal tools covered in blood on it. I see him pick up a pair of pliers and walk back to me. He reaches toward my hand so I squeeze my fingers shut into a fist.

Once you stop struggling this will be easier. I need some materials from the demon for the exorcism.

He takes my hand and starts pulling my fingers apart one by one. I struggle. It doesn't help. He takes my middle finger and attaches the pliers to the tip of my nail and starts to pull. The pain is like nothing I have ever felt before, I scream so loud my throat dries. White hot daggers rip through my hands and shoot to my elbow. I try to breath but can't. He moves to the next finger, I can feel blood dripping from my finger. It burns as it flows, I can't catch my breath. I breath but I can't. Tears run down my face. I can't breath. The pain burns at my arm, I have forgotten the pain in my knee as the pain from my fingers takes over my body. There are big black holes taking over vision as it blurs.

Please? Please, I can't...

I have no strength, my eyes close. The pain still radiates across my body. Fear beats in my heart.

* * *

When I open my eyes I can see the man sitting at a small desk not to far from where I am. My head is still strapped down as is the rest of my body. Without a sound I pull at my wrists, pains shoots through my body and I suppress a gasp as the memory of loosing my finger nails comes back. Tears begin to flow down my cheek. I want Lindsay, I need Lindsay. Someone has to know I am missing, someone will come looking. 

The man has noticed my movement and turns in his chair.

Ah, you are awake.

He stands and walks slowly toward me taking long strides.

While you were gone, I had a conversation with the one still inside you. He says he is taking you with him no matter what I do to his vessel.

There are no demons, what are you talking about? You need help!

Hold your tongue. You know not what you speak. Don't think I haven't been watching you, I have and I know the evil that lives within you. I have been looking for you a long time.

Realization hits me and I know that I am going to die by this man's hand. My body shakes.

Please, please I have a wife! Please don't kill me!

I beg. If I could be on my knees and beg, I would. I beg.

My apologizes my son, only God can save you now.

With a gloved hand he brings a hand to my face. With the other I can feel him cut my right arm and draining blood from it slowly. I gasp in pain.

Please?

I beg.

God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.  
God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.  
God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.  
God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.  
God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.

He is chanting, I feel sick. I can feel the bile forming in my stomach. I can't fight it any longer, it comes.

God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.

He won't stop. I vomit, it falls down my chin, he leans the table forward to let it fall from my mouth.

YES! LET THE EVIL FALL!

He screams. He is excited. The vomit burns the cuts on my chest and lips. The tears fall down my face. I'm going to die.

God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.

He chants.

Please! STOP! Just Stop! I can't take anymore. Just Stop!

I scream but it doesn't do me any good. He comes closer and pushed the table backwards. I can feel myself shake as my body moves from a standing to a laying down position. He makes his way around the table until he is blocking the light with his body. I am shaking, but body is aching with fear. I squeeze my eyes shut and I think of Lindsay. I think of her beautiful brown hair and her clean smile, I hold her image in my head as tears begin to well behind my lids.

It's time to cleanse you my son. God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.

No, please?

I beg with my eyes closed. Lindsay stop this. I think of Lindsay. I suddenly feel water being dumped over my head, I can't move my head to avoid it. It cuts off my air, it takes over my mouth, I can't breathe. I gasp and inhale water. I swallow the water, it still keeps coming. I choke, I gag, I can't breathe. The water slows, I cough and gasp for breathe. I can breathe, I breathe deep and try and catch up and slow my heart. Neither are working.

God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn. The Lord is the only one that can save your damaged soul. Are you cleansed boy?

I'm... not... possessed! Please!

I can't breathe, I cannot catch this breathe. Someone has to know I am missing, they have to know something is wrong. Lindsay please!

God will punish the wicked and save the good. You are the damned. You will burn.

The water comes again, this time slower. I try to drink as much as I can, but there is too much and I fail. Water invades my throat. I cough, gag, doesn't make a difference.

The water stops and I have no fight left in me, my vision begins to blur. I gasp for breath, the lights go dark. I fall back into black. My body shakes, I'm cold, I am in pain, I sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Things do not make any sense. I cannot understand how I escaped, I have memories of the torture and the pain, but I cannot understand how I escaped. Dr. Chan has given me more tests this morning, when the results come back I'll know when I'll be able to leave. Lindsay has gone back to work at my request, she needs some time to herself. There are less and less visitors the longer I am here and I like the silence. It helps me try to make sense of my life, or what's left of it.

Sitting quietly in my wheel chair I am staring out the window. I can walk with crutches now, but it takes a lot of energy out of me. I do what I can, but the chair is my security, I like my chair.

Mr. Messer?

Someone has entered my room, they are quiet. I don't recognize the voice so I turn to the voice.

Who are you?

I have attitude in my voice, I am sick of being gentle. I am no longer gentle.

Hi, I'm Agent Henderson with the F.B.I. I was wondering if you could answer some questions.

I don't know how much help I am going to be. I've already told the other agent what I remember.

Yes I know, I have spoken with him. I want to here it from you.

I stare at him, he makes me uncomfortable.

Show me your badge.

Excuse me?

I want to see your badge. Now.

Alright.

He steps towards me, I back away hitting the back of my chair against the wall.

I'm not the enemy Mr. Messer. I just want to ask you some questions.

He puts his hand in his jacket and pulls at something, my body shakes and I push myself off the chair. I try to move away but he pulls his hand out revealing his gun.

Stop.

He says plainly. He is calm.

Who are you?

My body is shaking I am holding myself in a standing position against the wall. He takes a step and presses his gun into my stomach. Tears well in my eyes.

I'm someone who is looking for answers, and you are going to give them to me. Ok?

He is close to my face and breathing on me. I can feel anger radiating off of him. He pushes the gun deeper. I shake, he is standing too close. I can't talk, fear has taken over my body, I am paralyzed again.

OK?

He repeated, this time louder and with more anger. All I could do was nod my head in reply. My body is shaking.

Good. Now, tell me how you over powered the master?

What?

With his free hand he threw a hard punch deep into my stomach and I gasp from pain. I cough, He does not repeat his question, instead he pulled back the gun and brought it down across my cheek. I taste blood come to my mouth and I fall to my knees.

HOW?

He yelled, I can feel my eye squeeze shut.

I... I don't remember.

My voice is cracking. I am afraid.

You don't remember? Of course, you let yourself be gone. You disgust me. He will be back. He will finish his job.

With that he brought the gun down again, I taste more blood as my lip splits.

Please stop! I don't know anything! I don't remember!

I plead with him. His eyes are dull, there is nothing left inside of him. He kneels down to face me.

For now. If anyone finds out about this, I will be back and it will make his work of you seem like fun. Do you understand me?

He grabs a hand full of hair and pulls my head back and pushes the gun into my temple, I can feel pain, I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

He screams not far from my ear. My body shakes, tears fall from my eyes.

Yes, yes I understand!

I gasp out. He lets go of my hair and throws my head back towards the wall.

Good. See you soon Mr. Messer.

He stands and tucks his gun away and leaves the room leaving me in a heap on the floor. I can't control my breathing, my heart hurts from fear and my face aches with fresh cuts. I sit and I breathe, I shake and I breathe, I thought this was over. I was wrong. There are more, and I am not safe. I shake. I need help.

Hearing someone enter the room I duck my head down as if to hide.

Danny?

It's Lindsay. Thank god.

Lindsay!

I yell and attempt to get up, she sees me and pulls a hand to cover her mouth and gasps.

Danny? Oh my god, what happened?

She runs to me, and pulls my face to hers. I am still shaking, I can't breathe. She pulls me into a hug.

Danny, tell me what happened? Why are you bleeding? Danny?

I can't speak. I can't breathe. Fear is taking over me.

He's back. I can't, he's here.

I finally force the words out of my mouth.

Who is?

He's back.

I start to breathe again and I can feel her pull me tighter as my body attacks itself with fear. I see a nurse enter the room.

Get some help in here now!

Lindsay yells at her, the woman nods and runs from the room. My tears mix with blood as the fall from my face to Lindsay's shoulder.

He's coming back.

I barely speak but enough to be heard. Lindsay pulls me back to look at me.

What happened Danny? Tell me.

I take a deep breath and l look her in the eye. The thought of more torture returns. I fake it.

I fell.

Danny?

She sounds angry.

I'm sorry, I must have been dreaming, I fell out of my chair.

I try to stand up, I am shaking too much, I can't stand. Lindsay helps me to the chair. She still looks confused and angry.

Danny? Come on, don't lie to me. Who did this?

I told you I fell.

I wipe my hands across my face the blood covers them. My hands won't stop shaking. I look at Lindsay and realize I can't fake this.

I need protection. Someone is still after me.

I know.

What?

Lindsay is calm. She looks at me and pulls a chair towards me.

How do you know, Lindsay?

Anger is back in my voice. I am afraid and paranoid.

Danny, it looks like the man that... well that did this, has an organization, with a cult following. When they learned of their leaders death, they blamed you. We've had the F.B.I. inform us and we've set up protection around the hospital. I need to know who did this to you. Now.

A cult? How?

Danny, tell me who did this to you?

He said his name was Agent Henderson, then he pulled a gun. Lindsay what the fuck is going on?

You need stitches.

Lindsay!

We're doing what we can, but with the leader gone, there isn't much we can do right now. We're protecting you.

Well you're doing a bang up job on that one!

I yell, as blood flows down my cheek and into my mouth.

I'm sorry, that won't happen again, I won't leave you.

How long have you known about this and not told me?

I am shaking, this time with anger. I want to hit someone I want to control my life again, I want to protect myself.

That's not important. Where the hell is your doctor?

Don't change the subject, it is important. HOW LONG?

I yell, I am angry, I am in pain. I want answers.

She takes a deep breath and stares at me.

We've known about the cult since the F.B.I. showed up two months ago. I have only known for about a week that they were after you. I didn't think you needed to know, you are still recovering you didn't need the extra stress.

I can't hold it against her, she was trying to protect me. The anger sits in my chest as I heave large amounts of air through them as my heart beats and beats against my chest.

I need to get out of here and into protective custody. It's the only way I'm going to stay alive. This guy flashed one badge and could have easily finished the job.

The question is why didn't he?

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking.

We both sit in silence for a few seconds trying to rack our brains for answers, nothing comes to me. Lindsay puts her hand on mine and squeezes it.

I'm going to call the doctor again, you need stitches.

Yeah and maybe a x-ray.

What?

Nothing... forget it.

Lindsay stands at the door and motions for the nurse. I watch her. A cult following, and I am the target.

What am I going to do?

I say softly out loud as the thought repeats itself over and over in my head. What am I going to do?


End file.
